


Held my Weight in Shame

by fudgelingzwodder



Category: Hadestown - Mitchell
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 13:08:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28636020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fudgelingzwodder/pseuds/fudgelingzwodder
Summary: "Orpheus feels her loss like a physical ache in his chest.He doesn’t know how long he sits by the path, staring helplessly back into the Underworld. He doesn’t think it really matters. She’s gone, and it’s his fault for doubting her--"Orpheus has a conversation with someone who understands better than he thinks.
Relationships: Eurydice/Orpheus (Hadestown), Hades/Persephone (Hadestown), Orpheus & Persephone (Hadestown)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	Held my Weight in Shame

**Author's Note:**

> CW: very mild suicidal ideation from Orpheus, in the paragraph that starts " “How do you do it?” Orpheus whispers. "

Orpheus feels her loss like a physical ache in his chest.

He doesn’t know how long he sits by the path, staring helplessly back into the Underworld. He doesn’t think it really matters. She’s gone, and it’s his fault for doubting her--

He jerks upright when a heavy hand lands on his shoulder, startled, but he knows who it must be before they speak.

“Hey, kid. Let’s get you up, yeah?” Hermes is gentle but firm as he pulls Orpheus to his feet, slinging an arm around him to support him. Orpheus feels like his limbs are made of stone, and his tongue sits heavy and numb against his teeth. He mumbles something to Hermes, but even he’s not sure what he intends to say.

Hermes, kind as ever, hums in acknowledgement anyways as they make their way back to the bar. It’s warmer now, but the snow isn’t melting like it usually does in the flash-fire of summer that blazes when Persephone comes to town. Orpheus knows that he should be celebrating that she’s back in March when she’s supposed to be, that they’ll get four seasons this year instead of a miserable two, but the victory feels hollow. What’s the point of the seasons when Eurydice will never get to see a spring or fall again? He doesn’t know. 

He lets Hermes steer him into a corner booth and slumps down, pressing his head into his hands. He doesn’t cry, but it’s a close thing. Orpheus doesn’t remember the last time he’s cried. In all honesty, he hasn’t had much to cry about. Compared to most people, his life has been easy. Sure, he struggled with the loss of a mother he barely remembers, but Hermes had swooped in to fill the gap with ease. He always had food and shelter in return for an admittedly easy job at the bar. He knows that, at times, he’s been painfully naive to the plight of the people outside the bar. Is that why her loss stings so much, because he has nothing to compare it to? Once again, he doesn’t think it really matters.

A burst of laughter from the bar gets Orpheus to lift his head, and he looks across the room to a small crowd gathered for a toast. She’s smack dab in the middle of them, Lady Persephone herself, laughing and passing a bottle around. Orpheus can’t tear his gaze away. He’s admittedly never been the most observant, but something about her seems different. It takes too long for him to realize her ever-present flask is nowhere to be seen.

Hermes flits around the bar, lighter on his feet than his apparent age would suggest, and taps Persephone on the shoulder as he passes. Orpheus can’t hear what he says, but the Goddess’s eyes snap to his with an intensity that makes him look away. He puts his head back into his hands and vows not to lift it again, even when he hears someone sit down across from him. He’s weary of dealing with Gods.

“Here.” Something slides across the table towards him. “You look like you could use a drink, brother.”

Orpheus shakes his head without lifting it, and feels more than hears the way Persephone sighs.

“You don’t have to take it, but it might help numb the pain for a little while.”

He knows that she thinks she’s offering him a gift, but he shakes his head harder. “I don’t want to. I--I don’t deserve it.” Every bit of hurt he’s feeling pales in comparison to what Eurydice must be going through.

“Oh, kid,” she sighs. A hand finds his shoulder, smaller than Hermes’s and rough with callouses. The Goddess doesn’t say anything else. There isn’t anything else to say.

The bar is nearly empty by the time he finally sits up, eyes red. Persephone is still with him, her hand a steadying presence on his shoulder.

“How do you do it?” Orpheus whispers. He doesn’t have to clarify what he means. The thought of living out a normal life up here, knowing that Eurydice is trapped down below, is too much to bear. It almost makes him want to--no, he couldn’t. If he came to her before his time, she would be heartbroken.

“It’s hard to wait.” Persephone’s voice is softer and more serious than Orpheus has ever heard it. “But it’s hard to walk away, too. It’s never easy to leave somebody behind, even when you know you’ll see them again eventually. Especially then.”

“You get to go back in six months.” He sounds pathetic, he knows, but he can’t keep the anguish out of his words. “I have a whole lifetime.”

“And then I leave again in six more. Once you’re back with her, you’re there to stay. And human lifetimes ain’t that long.” There’s a bite to her words that wasn’t there before. Persephone takes a deep breath, letting it out slow.

“Do you trust her to wait for you?”

He stares at her. He’s had his doubts in the past, but this time it isn’t even a question. Eurydice had tried to walk out of the Underworld itself with him. “I do.”

Persephone nods decisively. “Then trust her. Just like she trusts that you’re coming back someday.” There’s a far off look in her eyes, one that he wouldn’t have noticed a week ago and Orpheus knows that they aren’t just talking about him and Eurydice.

“In the meantime, you keep busy. We all have a part to play, us up here and them down there.” She squeezes his shoulder before letting go, standing and brushing off her skirts. “And you, poet, seem to play a bigger part than most. It helps the folks around here, hearin’ you sing.”

His mouth feels dry at the thought. He clears his throat before he speaks, looking away in shame. “I...I don’t know if I can. Not without her.”

Persephone shrugs, unbothered. “Then you find somethin’ else to do. Trust me, you’ll want to keep busy.” The bitterness creeps back into her words, but this time it’s not directed at him. She stares at the ground, foot tapping restlessly, and Orpheus follows her gaze. He imagines sinking down, through the floorboards and the dirt, all the way to the gates and the factories and the forges. He wonders if Persephone imagines it too.

“...it ain’t fair.”

She lets out a harsh laugh. “Of course it ain’t fair. Everything comes with a price, brother, and this is yours.”

The Goddess offers him a hand, jerking her head towards the bar where Hermes is pretending to clean up. “All we can do is make the best of it, right?”

Orpheus doesn’t smile, but something in his expression softens as he takes her hand.

“Right.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hi y'all. I know it's been a minute since I posted, but chronic pain flare ups along with everything else in the world have made writing difficult. This one was tough for me, since I honestly connect with Orpheus the least out of the main five, but ever since I started writing about Eurydice and Hades I've wanted to write about their counterparts. With everything going on right now, I wanted to write something with a mildly hopeful ending, even though it felt impossible. I know this is short, but I may add to it in time.
> 
> Song for this one is Lady May by Tyler Childers, with a side of Solid Brass by Landlady (which is good for Hadestown in general imo).
> 
> It's a really, really scary time to live in the US, especially being visibly gay/gnc in the south. To everyone in this country, I'm sending y'all love and strength. Please stay safe.
> 
> As always, I have a tip jar here at ko-fi.com/b0358 . I've been unemployed for a while due to the pandemic, so if y'all enjoy my work and have something to spare I'd appreciate it! No pressure, times are hard. Thanks for reading <3


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